So I'm dating this guy we are boyfriend and girlfriend. He is so sweet to me and I have been staying with him until I can find a place. But of course we have sex most ppl do when they are in a relationship. Well neither of us want any babies right now. I already have two of my own both by different fathers. Well lastnight the condom broke and Im not normal I cant just wait for my period cause with my other two I still had one it was just lighter and didnt last as long as normal. When I say it broke it broke not just a small tear a really big one. I was so upset not with him but myself for not feeling it break. We talked about the plan B so I am gonna get that today and I am scared as hell. I have heard it makes u sick. I just got over being sick and really dont feel like being sick and working cause I have to work tonight. But we had both been drinking alot i wasnt drunk and def not drunk enough to sleep after that happened.
When I got up to go to the bathroom he told me it broke and I was like "your joking right??!!" he said no and then showed me what was left of the condom and it was just the base.. So I didnt tell him I am very fertial and I dont take birth control because I would have 3 weeks of a period and 1 week no period and it drains ur blood after a while. I was gonna go and see if they had any new pills that i could take. but this happened before i could do that.
The crazy part is that when I got back in the bed we just laid there quiet not saying anything cause our minds were going five hundred miles a min. He def didnt touch me and he was being cold to me. I asked him how we didnt notice and we cant figure that out. We have had one break before but we noticed. This cant happen again and I dont know if he will have sex with me again or not. Prob not unless we have 3 types of protection and I can only think of two one for him and one for me. or just not to have sex at all.
He had went outside for a cig and i just laid in the bed crying cause all these thoughts were going through my head the worse case of what could happen. He acts like he cares about me but after that happened lastnight he was so mean and cold. I went outside cause i needed a cig too prob like 5 but i just smoked 1 and looked at the stars. Then he started talking to me about how it wasnt my fault cause I was on top. He said it is both of our faults. He kept telling me that he was thinking about how it would change everything for him. I was sitting there thinking about how I just got my two boys potty trained I dont need another baby and then being preg how big I will get I just got back to the size I wanted to be. I would still like to be smaller but Im at an ok weight.
One of the comments he said was about how I wouldnt have to work at sonnys anymore because with the childsupport for my two boys fathers and his childsupport I could just live off that. That hurt a little that he would think that I would do that. Then since I am moving my sister is watching my boys til I get a house so they are in a stable house. Then he said hey u can just have my kid and let ur sister watch it. That hurt the most and he knew that. He crossed the line of where he could be mean and cold and he was full mean at that point. It felt like he wanted me to cry. Then he finally came over and hugged me and said he was sorry that he didnt mean that. I have been told that he can be really mean and I never saw it before until lastnight. It doesnt change how I feel about him just dont ever want to see it again.
We went back to bed and he was so sweet again and I have already told him I am falling for him. He said he was falling for me and was asking a couple of questions about how long would we be together before he would propose. He said he wanted to fall in love with me and my boys and marry me one day. He wanted to do everything right like marry me then down that road have a baby and he said he can see that with me.
The thing is Im still hurt and i was trying to be so sweet lastnight even after he was mean cause then he would have put walls up and I dont think this is something where u should put up walls. I have been so scared all night and this morning. I think I slept maybe a total of 2hrs and thats a big maybe.
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