Monday, May 28, 2012
One day you will learn....
Ok so my sister is doing her shit again and it is really pissing me off today. My youngest son did not get to go with her to TN to see my mom. Now i wonder why that is OH i know she doesnt like my youngest son she favors my oldest so much. It is not fair to either child to treat them differently. Just because of their father does not give anyone the right to fuck with my childrens emotions and I will not let anyone do it. Yes you can FUCK with me but trust me you will pay for what the fuck you do to me... BUT god forbid your dumb ass FUCK with my children u are asking me to show you just what the fuck i can do and bitch i am about to show you just how much i am not ur child u gave birth to me and was prob praying i would die as you had me but that shit just didnt work you think i didnt know that you waited out ur contractions knowing that i was breach and cord on my neck u wanted me dead but u are dead to me and i will get my kids and show u how it feels for someone to take what u love and i dare u to fucking tell me ur selling fucking pills again i will tell so fast it will make ur head spin and then u will understand where i am coming from. One day u will learn and u better pray to god that u learn fast cause i will not play this fucking game again i will not let u try to buy my kids love cause bitch u cant. You should have never been a mother and i will tell everyone what a shitty mother u was and i dont mind cause you know what i was a good kid i never bothered you and i most certainly would like to tell your husband about the time that i walked in on u giving ur man head and then u bitched me out cause i should have knocked but bitch u should have done that shit when i was asleep. when you have kids it is about them not u anymore. THEY are MY KIDS not ur fucking kids u already tried to raise kids and it didnt work for u so stop trying u might fuck them up in the head. U are still holding a grudge cause i told you what a pathetic mother u was and at least i was honest about it if i wasnt who would ur not meant to have kids and god was trying to help you feel loved but you already was u dont deserve to be called mom or mother or anything like that cause your not and u are learning my steps cause bitch my MOM has my fucking back not urs cause she is the one that cares u only want something to benifit urself and ur fucking drug dealer husband and i dont wonder why he doesnt like me it is because i can be honest and he cant neither can u. All u ever want is attention and ppl to feel sry for u but u dont deserve it. U was never beat by a man and still had to take care of kids u dont know u just know how to have sex and that is it.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Actions may speak louder than words but words cut deeper than ur actions.
So I'm dating this guy we are boyfriend and girlfriend. He is so sweet to me and I have been staying with him until I can find a place. But of course we have sex most ppl do when they are in a relationship. Well neither of us want any babies right now. I already have two of my own both by different fathers. Well lastnight the condom broke and Im not normal I cant just wait for my period cause with my other two I still had one it was just lighter and didnt last as long as normal. When I say it broke it broke not just a small tear a really big one. I was so upset not with him but myself for not feeling it break. We talked about the plan B so I am gonna get that today and I am scared as hell. I have heard it makes u sick. I just got over being sick and really dont feel like being sick and working cause I have to work tonight. But we had both been drinking alot i wasnt drunk and def not drunk enough to sleep after that happened.
When I got up to go to the bathroom he told me it broke and I was like "your joking right??!!" he said no and then showed me what was left of the condom and it was just the base.. So I didnt tell him I am very fertial and I dont take birth control because I would have 3 weeks of a period and 1 week no period and it drains ur blood after a while. I was gonna go and see if they had any new pills that i could take. but this happened before i could do that.
The crazy part is that when I got back in the bed we just laid there quiet not saying anything cause our minds were going five hundred miles a min. He def didnt touch me and he was being cold to me. I asked him how we didnt notice and we cant figure that out. We have had one break before but we noticed. This cant happen again and I dont know if he will have sex with me again or not. Prob not unless we have 3 types of protection and I can only think of two one for him and one for me. or just not to have sex at all.
He had went outside for a cig and i just laid in the bed crying cause all these thoughts were going through my head the worse case of what could happen. He acts like he cares about me but after that happened lastnight he was so mean and cold. I went outside cause i needed a cig too prob like 5 but i just smoked 1 and looked at the stars. Then he started talking to me about how it wasnt my fault cause I was on top. He said it is both of our faults. He kept telling me that he was thinking about how it would change everything for him. I was sitting there thinking about how I just got my two boys potty trained I dont need another baby and then being preg how big I will get I just got back to the size I wanted to be. I would still like to be smaller but Im at an ok weight.
One of the comments he said was about how I wouldnt have to work at sonnys anymore because with the childsupport for my two boys fathers and his childsupport I could just live off that. That hurt a little that he would think that I would do that. Then since I am moving my sister is watching my boys til I get a house so they are in a stable house. Then he said hey u can just have my kid and let ur sister watch it. That hurt the most and he knew that. He crossed the line of where he could be mean and cold and he was full mean at that point. It felt like he wanted me to cry. Then he finally came over and hugged me and said he was sorry that he didnt mean that. I have been told that he can be really mean and I never saw it before until lastnight. It doesnt change how I feel about him just dont ever want to see it again.
We went back to bed and he was so sweet again and I have already told him I am falling for him. He said he was falling for me and was asking a couple of questions about how long would we be together before he would propose. He said he wanted to fall in love with me and my boys and marry me one day. He wanted to do everything right like marry me then down that road have a baby and he said he can see that with me.
The thing is Im still hurt and i was trying to be so sweet lastnight even after he was mean cause then he would have put walls up and I dont think this is something where u should put up walls. I have been so scared all night and this morning. I think I slept maybe a total of 2hrs and thats a big maybe.
When I got up to go to the bathroom he told me it broke and I was like "your joking right??!!" he said no and then showed me what was left of the condom and it was just the base.. So I didnt tell him I am very fertial and I dont take birth control because I would have 3 weeks of a period and 1 week no period and it drains ur blood after a while. I was gonna go and see if they had any new pills that i could take. but this happened before i could do that.
The crazy part is that when I got back in the bed we just laid there quiet not saying anything cause our minds were going five hundred miles a min. He def didnt touch me and he was being cold to me. I asked him how we didnt notice and we cant figure that out. We have had one break before but we noticed. This cant happen again and I dont know if he will have sex with me again or not. Prob not unless we have 3 types of protection and I can only think of two one for him and one for me. or just not to have sex at all.
He had went outside for a cig and i just laid in the bed crying cause all these thoughts were going through my head the worse case of what could happen. He acts like he cares about me but after that happened lastnight he was so mean and cold. I went outside cause i needed a cig too prob like 5 but i just smoked 1 and looked at the stars. Then he started talking to me about how it wasnt my fault cause I was on top. He said it is both of our faults. He kept telling me that he was thinking about how it would change everything for him. I was sitting there thinking about how I just got my two boys potty trained I dont need another baby and then being preg how big I will get I just got back to the size I wanted to be. I would still like to be smaller but Im at an ok weight.
One of the comments he said was about how I wouldnt have to work at sonnys anymore because with the childsupport for my two boys fathers and his childsupport I could just live off that. That hurt a little that he would think that I would do that. Then since I am moving my sister is watching my boys til I get a house so they are in a stable house. Then he said hey u can just have my kid and let ur sister watch it. That hurt the most and he knew that. He crossed the line of where he could be mean and cold and he was full mean at that point. It felt like he wanted me to cry. Then he finally came over and hugged me and said he was sorry that he didnt mean that. I have been told that he can be really mean and I never saw it before until lastnight. It doesnt change how I feel about him just dont ever want to see it again.
We went back to bed and he was so sweet again and I have already told him I am falling for him. He said he was falling for me and was asking a couple of questions about how long would we be together before he would propose. He said he wanted to fall in love with me and my boys and marry me one day. He wanted to do everything right like marry me then down that road have a baby and he said he can see that with me.
The thing is Im still hurt and i was trying to be so sweet lastnight even after he was mean cause then he would have put walls up and I dont think this is something where u should put up walls. I have been so scared all night and this morning. I think I slept maybe a total of 2hrs and thats a big maybe.
Monday, May 21, 2012
comment
-wonders about ppl who say, "Can I ask you a question?". Didnt really give me a chance there. did you sunshine??
-A friend will stick up for you and calm you down when your mad, but a best friend will skip alongside you with a shovel giggling 'someones gonna get it!!'
-girly girls need dresses, heels, make-up and their hair done to make them feel beautifl-- country girls need ripped jeans, boots and a ball cap and they're good.
-public service announcement: Ladies!!! Leggings DO NOT equal a substitute for pants Thank you that is all
-Cigarettes? check! Bud Light? totally check!! loaded shot gun? Check! Now where is that guy with the smart mouth. come out come out where ever you are!!!
-I may not be the prettiest woman, I am not perfect & I have my flaws. But I am real and 100% beautiful on the inside and I am me.. That's all that really matters...
-Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to fall apart in order to be able to put yourself back together again.
-I am who I am, I will not change for anyone! I will not answer questions about why I did this or that.. I answer to nobody and if you cant handle that to bad.
-i may look like a cute freckle-faced country girl but there's a darkness within me.. so if your planning on pissing me off, you'd better prepare your funeral first..
-People who dont know me think im quiet people who do wish i was. But they have to admit their lives were pretty boring before they met me.. :-)
-[TRUTH] Real girls aren't perfect. Perfect girls aren't real
-All relatiounships come with baggage. If you want them to work help unpack the suitcase.
-mess with me and i can handle it mess with one of my kids and i will kill you with my bare hands and feed you to my dogs.. want to find out??
-Next time i get pulled over and the officer asks "well do you know why i pulled you over?" Im gonna simply look at them and say "dont pretend you dont know.."
-take me, or leave me. Either way, you wont find someone else like me..
-BIG TRUTH: Not everyone is going to like you, what matters is if you like yourself. :-)
-Never upset a redhead, it may be the last thing you do..
-Music can be a very powerful thing....
-when someone tell u that u suck just smile and say "only on special occasions"
-Uh-oh!! stepped on a cornflake!! Ima cereal killa!! >=}
-So you think Im quiet EH?? Well wait until you know me :-)
-Im naturally sweet and nice but if you piss me off or mess with me.. just watch me magically switch from 'nice' to 'bitch' within 5 seconds.
-
-never grow attached to anyone... you never know when they will leave and take a part of you with them...
-Even though you try and run from the sadness you cant hide from the tears that you hold inside...
-I just wish I could turn off my feelings.. maybe then I wouldnt get hurt. :/
-wants to stand outside, open her mouth and scream!!!!!! as loud as she can to release the emotions flooding within her that she cant keep in any longer :'(
-even thhough i seem happy on the outside you can never see the emotional scars on the inside.....
-The best part about walking in the rain, is that no one knows you're crying...
-ive learned that im pretty good at holding it together when all i wanna do is fall apart.
-when you ask me what wrong and i say "i'm fine' just once, i want you to look at me in the eyes and say "dont lie to me"
-dont assume things because when im at my quietest on the outside im screaming on the inside..
-
-A GOOD friend will ask you whats wrong and who did it, but a BEST friend meets you at the door with a shotgun, shovel and body-bag because they already know.
-Smile, it makes the world wonder what your up to.
-Just because i appear to be so nice to everyone doesnt mean I wont turn around and slap the bitch that pisses me off the most. Kindness isnt a weakness!!!
-Yes i wear makeup, I curl my hair & wear high heels.. but I still can shoot a gun, ride a four wheeler, go hunting, go mudding & drink a few cocktails!!!
-Is bored, I think I might dress up as the Grim Reaper and go wave at the ppl in the nursing home. Who wants to come??
-...We are the type of friends that laugh forever at the most stupid things, laugh at things we randomly remember, and laugh at each other!!!
-A friend visits u in jail, a good friend bails u out of jail, a best friend is in the next cell yelling "what the fuck were u thinking"
-A friend asks why ur crying, a good friend asks why ur crying while loading the shotgun, a best friend says its already been dealt with!!
-A friend will be there hugging u while u cry a best friend will have a chainsaw wearing a hockey mask saying "who do i get to massacre this time love??" <3
-My true friends are the ones who dont lie to me. The ones who help me up when I am down and the ones who are only a phone call away if I need them!! <3
-A real friend does not ask "why" when you make a mistake. They stand beside you and ask "what can I do to help clean this up?"
-U r my bestfriend! u know when im sad and u know when im falling apart and you know when i feel like crap and they why I love you
-fake friends tell you what you want to hear. real friends tell you what you may not want to hear. :-)
-I love my best friend! she means the world to me! And she's actually someone who understands me! she's always there for me! thats a true friend... I love you
-it takes a true friend to put a smile on your face when u already have tears in your eyes!!!
-When someone hurts you a good friend would comfort you, but a best friend would walk around you swinging a baseball bat saying "someones gonna get hurt."!!!
-
-A friend will stick up for you and calm you down when your mad, but a best friend will skip alongside you with a shovel giggling 'someones gonna get it!!'
-girly girls need dresses, heels, make-up and their hair done to make them feel beautifl-- country girls need ripped jeans, boots and a ball cap and they're good.
-public service announcement: Ladies!!! Leggings DO NOT equal a substitute for pants Thank you that is all
-Cigarettes? check! Bud Light? totally check!! loaded shot gun? Check! Now where is that guy with the smart mouth. come out come out where ever you are!!!
-I may not be the prettiest woman, I am not perfect & I have my flaws. But I am real and 100% beautiful on the inside and I am me.. That's all that really matters...
-Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to fall apart in order to be able to put yourself back together again.
-I am who I am, I will not change for anyone! I will not answer questions about why I did this or that.. I answer to nobody and if you cant handle that to bad.
-i may look like a cute freckle-faced country girl but there's a darkness within me.. so if your planning on pissing me off, you'd better prepare your funeral first..
-People who dont know me think im quiet people who do wish i was. But they have to admit their lives were pretty boring before they met me.. :-)
-[TRUTH] Real girls aren't perfect. Perfect girls aren't real
-All relatiounships come with baggage. If you want them to work help unpack the suitcase.
-mess with me and i can handle it mess with one of my kids and i will kill you with my bare hands and feed you to my dogs.. want to find out??
-Next time i get pulled over and the officer asks "well do you know why i pulled you over?" Im gonna simply look at them and say "dont pretend you dont know.."
-take me, or leave me. Either way, you wont find someone else like me..
-BIG TRUTH: Not everyone is going to like you, what matters is if you like yourself. :-)
-Never upset a redhead, it may be the last thing you do..
-Music can be a very powerful thing....
-when someone tell u that u suck just smile and say "only on special occasions"
-Uh-oh!! stepped on a cornflake!! Ima cereal killa!! >=}
-So you think Im quiet EH?? Well wait until you know me :-)
-Im naturally sweet and nice but if you piss me off or mess with me.. just watch me magically switch from 'nice' to 'bitch' within 5 seconds.
-
-never grow attached to anyone... you never know when they will leave and take a part of you with them...
-Even though you try and run from the sadness you cant hide from the tears that you hold inside...
-I just wish I could turn off my feelings.. maybe then I wouldnt get hurt. :/
-wants to stand outside, open her mouth and scream!!!!!! as loud as she can to release the emotions flooding within her that she cant keep in any longer :'(
-even thhough i seem happy on the outside you can never see the emotional scars on the inside.....
-The best part about walking in the rain, is that no one knows you're crying...
-ive learned that im pretty good at holding it together when all i wanna do is fall apart.
-when you ask me what wrong and i say "i'm fine' just once, i want you to look at me in the eyes and say "dont lie to me"
-dont assume things because when im at my quietest on the outside im screaming on the inside..
-
-A GOOD friend will ask you whats wrong and who did it, but a BEST friend meets you at the door with a shotgun, shovel and body-bag because they already know.
-Smile, it makes the world wonder what your up to.
-Just because i appear to be so nice to everyone doesnt mean I wont turn around and slap the bitch that pisses me off the most. Kindness isnt a weakness!!!
-Yes i wear makeup, I curl my hair & wear high heels.. but I still can shoot a gun, ride a four wheeler, go hunting, go mudding & drink a few cocktails!!!
-Is bored, I think I might dress up as the Grim Reaper and go wave at the ppl in the nursing home. Who wants to come??
-...We are the type of friends that laugh forever at the most stupid things, laugh at things we randomly remember, and laugh at each other!!!
-A friend visits u in jail, a good friend bails u out of jail, a best friend is in the next cell yelling "what the fuck were u thinking"
-A friend asks why ur crying, a good friend asks why ur crying while loading the shotgun, a best friend says its already been dealt with!!
-A friend will be there hugging u while u cry a best friend will have a chainsaw wearing a hockey mask saying "who do i get to massacre this time love??" <3
-My true friends are the ones who dont lie to me. The ones who help me up when I am down and the ones who are only a phone call away if I need them!! <3
-A real friend does not ask "why" when you make a mistake. They stand beside you and ask "what can I do to help clean this up?"
-U r my bestfriend! u know when im sad and u know when im falling apart and you know when i feel like crap and they why I love you
-fake friends tell you what you want to hear. real friends tell you what you may not want to hear. :-)
-I love my best friend! she means the world to me! And she's actually someone who understands me! she's always there for me! thats a true friend... I love you
-it takes a true friend to put a smile on your face when u already have tears in your eyes!!!
-When someone hurts you a good friend would comfort you, but a best friend would walk around you swinging a baseball bat saying "someones gonna get hurt."!!!
-
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Dont do it...
Im not a mean person at all. I am very sweet in fact but I am a red head and have blue eyes that turn green when i am mad.
I have days where i just want to scream and cry then i have the days where u just dont want to mess with me
I am the type of person that i will return the favor if it is good or bad. the one thing you do not do is mess with my kids and me Im strong i can take what u throw but when my kids are in the middle u better watch out because this sweet nice girl is not so sweet and nice anymore. My kids are my world and if you have kids then u know what i mean but if you dont then u better read carefully. Because my kids mean everything to me. They are a part of me and if u hurt them u are gonna get hurt u hurt me ur still gonna get hurt just not as bad but to tell me that i dont need my kids or need someone around me and my kids is insulting and i just dont like that and i dont play that game. You wanna play lets play cause I can show u what I am made of and make u cry your eyes out and we will see who is crying. Im gonna win u started it but i will finish. If u think i am playing ask the fathers of my children they will tell u not to mess with me they tried it and lost and now your gonna lose this battle that you should have never started.
I cant stand a two face person dont tell me one thing and then say another cause then im not gonna trust you anymore..
If i cant trust you then you dont need to be around my kids and if you want to bring other people in on the game i can play that too.
Trust me when i say you will regret what you said and when you ask me to see them I will just remind you what u need to do and tell you just how i feel. You know why i will tell you just how i feel about all of it because im honest how can you be something ur not cause ur not honest how can you live that way.
You make your life a lie that u make others believe cause they dont know the ppl you talk about so they dont know the truth but maybe just maybe I should tell them truth cause its not fair to them to feel sorry for you when they should feel nothing for you. How dare you tell me what I can or cant do you never have been the one in my life to be there for me so what gives you that right?? You dont have that right
you will never have that right and these are MY children not a redo for you,. I know you always wanted boys but these are MY KIDS not yours so back the fuck off and get your own life stop trying to be something your not and redoing your life u cant
and never will be able to, I hate to do this but u just fucked up for the last time and im gonna hurt u and never even touch u......
I have days where i just want to scream and cry then i have the days where u just dont want to mess with me
I am the type of person that i will return the favor if it is good or bad. the one thing you do not do is mess with my kids and me Im strong i can take what u throw but when my kids are in the middle u better watch out because this sweet nice girl is not so sweet and nice anymore. My kids are my world and if you have kids then u know what i mean but if you dont then u better read carefully. Because my kids mean everything to me. They are a part of me and if u hurt them u are gonna get hurt u hurt me ur still gonna get hurt just not as bad but to tell me that i dont need my kids or need someone around me and my kids is insulting and i just dont like that and i dont play that game. You wanna play lets play cause I can show u what I am made of and make u cry your eyes out and we will see who is crying. Im gonna win u started it but i will finish. If u think i am playing ask the fathers of my children they will tell u not to mess with me they tried it and lost and now your gonna lose this battle that you should have never started.
I cant stand a two face person dont tell me one thing and then say another cause then im not gonna trust you anymore..
If i cant trust you then you dont need to be around my kids and if you want to bring other people in on the game i can play that too.
Trust me when i say you will regret what you said and when you ask me to see them I will just remind you what u need to do and tell you just how i feel. You know why i will tell you just how i feel about all of it because im honest how can you be something ur not cause ur not honest how can you live that way.
You make your life a lie that u make others believe cause they dont know the ppl you talk about so they dont know the truth but maybe just maybe I should tell them truth cause its not fair to them to feel sorry for you when they should feel nothing for you. How dare you tell me what I can or cant do you never have been the one in my life to be there for me so what gives you that right?? You dont have that right
you will never have that right and these are MY children not a redo for you,. I know you always wanted boys but these are MY KIDS not yours so back the fuck off and get your own life stop trying to be something your not and redoing your life u cant
and never will be able to, I hate to do this but u just fucked up for the last time and im gonna hurt u and never even touch u......
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